woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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