there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
