I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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