If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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