i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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