i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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