im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
