What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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