Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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