Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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