I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
