I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
