i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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