Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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