I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
