hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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