No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
