why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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