I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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