I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize