I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
