i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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