you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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