Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
