I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
