So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
