I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
