yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
