For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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