i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I had to cum in my sink.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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