God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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