Hey man sorry I got all grabby
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
