I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
