Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
