i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize