Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
