Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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