The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
