He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize