Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
