I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
