i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
