I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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