We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
