so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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