tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just had sex bonerless
I should be sponsored by Trojan
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
