I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
