oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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