i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm just crazy horny about you
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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