I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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