Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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