If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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