last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
