so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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