you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
