I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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