So drunk its hurt
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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