Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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