No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
