i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
