Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
