there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I faked an abortion last night.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
