Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
