Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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