I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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