I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
