cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
