You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
