Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
