I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
