It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
