Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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