So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
