so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
