she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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