glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
